How to Manage Your Own Expectations

I remember in high school, I was on the train ride back home with a good friend of mine. He was all excited to show me this new "theory" that he came up with. It basically went like this: expectation and happiness have a strange relationship. The greater your expectation, the more extreme your happiness/disappointment is with the result. And likewise, the lower your expectation, the less you will be moved by reality. Through some logic and "math," he concluded that it was in our best interest to never have high expectations but to level them off in order to protect ourselves from these roller coaster emotions.

I replied with, "if two people are in a relationship without any expectations of each other...the relationship will eventually go nowhere. Expectations are necessary risks to make for that potential of happiness." And with that, our conversation ended.

But even after that, I always battled with myself to maintain that perfect balance of expectations. When to hold back, and when to pursue more. It was a very delicate balance and often times, in relationships or in career directions, I would be left disappointed and unhappy. I never thought that there could be another way to view this idea of expectations and reality. But then I realized that at the core of it...disappointment stems from when our reality doesn't meet our expectations. So maybe the issue isn't about our expectations but our perception of reality.

The other day I was reading a book called "Emotional Equations," that talked about just that. We think that reality is set and it's not something that we can change. However, if we think about it, our perception of reality really skews everything for us -- even whether we will feel happy or upset over a situation. For example, let's take the Olympics, most bronze winners are happier than silver medalists. But both athletes expected and worked to win gold so their expectations were the exact same. The paradox lies in the idea of counter factual thinking. Silvers measure themselves upwards and compare themselves to the golds, while bronzes measures downwards to those who win no medal at all. So interestingly, "It's not our expectations that we need to curb; it's out sense of entitlement that leads is to be bitterly disappointed."

In another scenario: normally, we would be happy if we've gotten a 5% raise but if we find that our co-workers received 10%, our happiness for our accomplishment is decreased. Now it's clear that it's not about lowering expectations but about controlling our perception. To me, this leads back to the idea of gratitude. Always be grateful and appreciative to the opportunities and people that we are blessed with. This doesn't mean we need to live a stagnant life where we no longer seek more and more. We should continuously try to better ourselves, but it's just as important to be happy with who we are in the now.


Carol

Follow your Passion

When people talk about passion and dreams, it almost seems to be an empty word. What does passion really mean? How does it really feel like? I think a lot of people say things like “follow your passion,” without acknowledge that most people do not have an idea of what that may be. How do we lead people to find something that makes them excited to get up in the morning and carry through the day?

I think it lies in the fact that life is short. We think that we can “waste” a few years doing what we don’t love so that we can spend the rest of life doing what we do. We are easily enticed by routine - it is safe, and it is comfortable. We live in this bubble of a routine lifestyle and is content with it. Routine is a very attractive place for most people who are afraid of change and like to be in control. And in this place, we forget that …we really are seeking more. I think deep down we all want and desire something (knowingly or not) that inspires us, that makes us want to better ourselves, that makes us giddy and child-like. Something that strikes a chord and moves us to want to make the world a little more beautiful. 

I think it’s important to remind people that life is what you make of it. It’s not about getting by, it’s about being in. Being in the present, in the experience. I think those are times we reflect upon and feel most alive. So go against the norm. Go searching. It’s scary and it may break the rules a bit. But explore within yourself and out in the world. There is much to see even in your own home. You will find your passion in the corner of a music shop, or in the doctor office downtown. Wherever it’s hiding, it’s waiting to be brought to life. 

So Live. Do that by surrounding yourself with people who push you and inspire you. Live by seeing the same streets in new light, with different angles, and a fresh pair of eyes. Be brought to your senses by experiencing, seeking, and learning. Always and constantly learning. You will be a fool to think that you know all there is to know about this life. “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”


Carol

Two things I learned from my summer internship

As promised, I'm going to dedicate a post to talk about my internship this past summer at Tribal DDB. I did something a little similar last summer when I wrote about my experience at a start-up company.

I think what really defined my internship this summer were the people. I know it's a little generic to say people, but after being here I've learned that there are two things that make a workplace worth committing to: good people and good work. Actually I can't take credit for this point. When I was speaking to one of people in the senior level at my company he told me that if you have 2 out of 3 things at your future job, it is worth staying at. The last thing was money. (I'm still struggling to find how important money will factor into my career.)

But let me continue about good people and good work. Good work is defined by responsibilities that will challenge me to think and to want to learn. Good work pushes me to be a better professional. I can't imagine working on a project that makes me feel lifeless and boring. So to me, good work is challenging but necessary.

Onto my second point: your co-workers can change the entire environment and your whole experience at a workplace. I never expected to build such strong relationships with my fellow interns -- to the point that I feel like I'll be missing something in my life now that I won't see them every single day. And if given the opportunity, I know I will love working with them in the future (even though we are all going our separate career paths..for now). They reminded me of the ambition and drive necessary on the road to success. And then the empathy and positive attitude that will get me there. It's not about stepping on other people to get to the top, it's about being genuine and personable.

Overall, I had a wonderful experience this summer. I've learned a lot about what I want (or don't want), and I'm excited for next semester to see where life takes me next!

Carol

Summer Reflections

I'm excited for the rest of my life to begin. I love whenever I get this feeling.

Tomorrow is the last day of my summer internship. It's been an amazing experience and I will definitely elaborate in a future (and near) post. But for now, here is a video that sums up my summer in a nut shell.

Bicycles + New York City + Finding your passion + Good people = Carol's summer

Life is short. Do what you love and do it often. 



Carol 

Marketing Talks

If you personally know me, you will know how excited and hooked I get when someone talks about marketing and ads. Last week in my marketing class, my professor showed a documentary which basically asked the question -- where do you draw the line between branding and the actual product?

An example of successful inner branding in my opinion is the BMW and its awesome ads. BMW is not just a car, it is so much more --  "At BMW we don't make cars, we make Joy." Cheesy? Yes. Or maybe even Burt's Bee's new line of product named Güd who embraces the idea that women are not happy because they're beautiful, but that they're beautiful because they are happy. Simple? Absolutely. But most importantly, it works. Other companies that successful used this concept of love marks are Cheerios and Coca-cola. These ideas strike right back to the essence of human emotions and even being.

However, it is argued that at the end of the day, the product is just a product. The branding is only an idea. It's only a laptop (Apple), and it's a only a pair of running shoe (Nike). And it's only detergent (Tide) -- as long as it can make your clothes clean, that's all that should matter. And to back this argument, the documentary showed the process of how Song was created by Delta to compete with Jetblue. One of the co-founder of Kate Spade worked with Song's marketing team to artistically brand Song with the idea of leisure, hip, and entertainment. On the other hand, investors of Song wanted advertisements to focus mainly on their low-cost position. In the end, Song failed.

So do ideas sell? Or will creativity and out of the box ideas take you so far? I believe that a successful product is when the brand and the benefits or features of the brand are seen as inseparable to the consumer. Personally, I fall easily in love with ideas. But there is an important lesson I took away from this documentary: have your head in the sky while keeping your feet grounded.


Carol

Finance Talks

Today in my finance class, my professor was trying to explain to us the difference between passive and active investing in the market. Listening to him talk about the subject reminds me why I choose to pursue business back in high school. It was interesting, captivating and so human. As I grow older it seems that greed and corporate culture is what plagues Wall Street, but it doesn't have to be that way. If we go back to the fundamentals, it becomes very relevant to the way we live. And it becomes obvious to me through this very simple point:

Competition drives efficiency in the market. Competition is created by active investors who all always searching for trading data and information that will give them a return that is greater than the average. However, when efficiency is actually achieved, the passive strategy becomes the best strategy. Then the circle continues, and irony sets in. And at that point, it's not about data or analyzing the fundamentals of a company, it's just luck.

But to think of the wealth that 1% of luck can bring. That's crazy. The emphasis is not so much on the wealth but on the idea and concept behind the market and what keeps it going forward.

Attitude is so important.

Frankly, I don't care what your GPA is. I don't care how many awards you've received or how successful your "fill in the blank" is. How much money you can make, if you have this or know who.

What matters to me is your attitude. I don't want to interact with someone who gives a backhand apology and sits on a pedestal. You will only get so far with your chin that high.

This applies in personal relationships and in the professional world. So before you go and try to have a conversation with someone, reexamine yourself and remember you are just human. You are here to learn and to give.

Spring semester is off to a wonderful start!

The semester is rolling along and yes I'm super busy but I'm loving it so far. Everything has been a blessing and surprisingly weird, I can feel myself growing. Of course I am no where close to who I want to become but in my conversations and interactions, I find myself at peace with the person I am.

Currently I'm reading Emotional Equations by Chip Conley. It's like a little treat nestled within my busy schedule. It's helping me put a name to all these jumble of emotions that fill my mind. And aside from that, I'm really enjoying my classes this semester (hope I didn't speak too soon). I find myself on the edge of my seat learning about certain aspects of marketing and finance. Especially when my professors stray away from the syllabus and just ramble about applicable things in the real world. I think I haven't been this engaged in class since freshmen year when I learned about philosophy and art history.

10 things I learned this winter break

So in sync with a previous post (11 things I learned yesterday from my internship), I decided to write one about some ideas I was able to grasp this winter break. These thoughts stem from conversations I had with old friends, from novels I've been reading, changes in my family, and just good ol' life and the drama that usually ensues. 
  1. I can never make all the money in the world. It may be difficult to give up the potential of making money but sometimes it is important that we do so we can spend quality time with my family and friends. 
  2. Do research! I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to take with my life but as I started applying for internships and delving deeper into what certain career paths entail, I started to get a clearer picture of what I wanted to pursue. 
  3. "No one has ever become poor from giving." 
  4. Sadly, not everyone is as sincere as they make themselves out to be. (Confirmed by reading the book The Game by Neil Strauss) I guess I always knew this but apparently I have a knack for seeing the best in everyone. I need to better balance putting up walls with putting myself out there.
  5. As sincere as some people may be however, you may just never click with them. It's nothing to feel guilty about. 
  6. I'm a control freak. My sister occasionally make jokes about this but I never understood where she was coming from. But after reading the novel Eat, Pray Love I realized that indeed yeah, maybe I am a control freak in some aspects of my life. 
  7. My good friend Will taught me that you need to look Anger straight in the eye and face it. Don't whimper off and wait for it to pass. 
  8. People choose to experience life very differently -- some wildly some quite conservatively. Not one way is exactly better than the other. There are pros and cons to both so don't judge. 
  9. Love myself as is. (This is a long story but let's just say it took me long enough to realize this.)
  10. I am happiest without any drama in my life. Simple as that.

Hello potential.

Coincidentally, it's been exactly a month since my past post. Still I haven't figured out the paradox of time; how it's able to move both slow and fast at the exact same time.

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I have a love hate relationship with words. The potential, the downfall, and the soft crash they makes as they hit the ground.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm at a point in my life where anywhere I look I see the word "potential" splattered on every street bench, every fallen leaf, and every stranger that I bump paths with. And quite frankly, it's scary. The idealist in me feels that maybe this is just how I'm wired -- that I can't help but encounter something or someone and spin stories over stories of possibility, change, and desire.

But I also can't help but feel that as of late I struggle quite habitually with this word. It scares me because believing in potential leaves room for vulnerability, for hurt, and for disappointment. And soon enough the familiar face of hurt whom I haven't seen for a while comes to pay its homage.

And so I want very much to crawl back into my cocoon, forget my ideas of what could potentially happen if this happened and  that maybe happens. But what kind of life is life if life is not lived on the edge? What kind of true potential can be felt if I do not venture away from the comforts of me myself and I?

Major and minor

It’s like second nature to me now.

But I still remember the days when I had piano lessons every week starting from when I was 7. Around 10 years old I started prepping for the ABRSM exams. It was then, towards the end of each lesson, when my teacher would play a short snippet of a piece and ask me if it’s in minor or major. Back then…honestly, I had no idea. And I asked her how can you tell? I don’t remember her giving me a comprehensible answer, I mean I was still a child. So each time I just guessed and hoped I was right.

After more years with music, I began to hear the difference. I can now technically explain to you what differentiates major from minor. But still, you can’t explain such a concept or idea. There’s just something in the sound and melody of the song where you just feel it.

Then as I grew older and continued taking higher level exams..I had to start listening for the cadence of songs. I still have no idea. (I just remember that I’ll always say its plagal if it sounds like a song from church choir.) I wonder about the potential of music in my life if I had decided continued learning.

And I feel like I could ramble forever about this. But I remember the controversial book by Amy Chua that broke out this past year. To a certain extent, I agree with her point of view (although my view is probably biased). I do believe, to a certain extent, that in order to enjoy doing something, you need to be good at it. (If you’re not good at something, why would you want to continue doing it, except to get better?) If you can’t get past the point of mastery, you cannot fully understand and appreciate the height of the hobby, art, or sport. Like both Picasso and Alexander McQueen, they were masters of their respective art before they went against conventions and created their own personal style. Although I am very far from being a good pianist, I know that I wouldn’t be able to do any degree of improvisation had I not spent hours upon hours playing the same scales, arpeggios etc for years and years.

A lot of times I’ve taken granted and was spiteful towards my mom who always pushed me to keep going. I remember failing the last level of the exam after months of hard work and dedication. And all I did was just cry and said, I give up. But of course, my mom wouldn’t have allowed that. So I did it all over again and finally (but barely) passed.

Even now, whenever I am stressed or just need to get my mind off things, I go to the music room and play what I feel through improvisation. I think if my mom never pushed me to continue taking lessons throughout high school, I wouldn’t have this opportunity to express myself through music.

So mom, thank you for giving me ears  to hear the difference between major and minor. You somehow always seem to know what's best for my heart and soul.