Lately, I’ve had so many thoughts and feelings (and time) so…here I am! Back on this little blog after a 3 year hiatus with a new post. Let me first start with a big life update! I quit my job. I left my NYC apartment. I’m currently in Taiwan, doing a two-week quarantine. My partner and I decided to embark on the digital nomad life so we can work full-time on our own businesses and creative projects, while experiencing different cultures and ways of living.

It’s a bit hard sometimes to wrap my head around what I’ve done. Honestly it’s been an emotional rollercoaster!

Some days I have a wave of bittersweet sadness wash over me. In order to gain the life I want, I had to say goodbye to the one I had. It’s almost like I’m mourning the lost of all the identities I’ve created over the years. While I do not regret leaving things behind, I feel a lot of attachment to what was: a fulfilling job that paid me well, a cozy apartment with my love, living in the most vibrant city in the world, the comfort of having my family close by. I feel very lucky that I had all those things. I feel even luckier to know that if I want, I can have all of those things back. Nothing is permanent and in this case, I find much solace in this thought.

Most days I am excited by the possibilities! This might be the first time ever that I’ve given myself the time, space, and energy to work on my own terms. Honestly, I can’t wait to see what I’m capable of creating and building. In my journal, I wrote down some pillars that I want to live by for the next year (and beyond):

Exploration — This is a big one that underpins everything else. I want to be free to explore new cities, new ideas, and new ways of thinking, etc. This means taking the time to immerse myself into the different cultures of the places we visit. Outside of travel, it means making space to pursue different ideas that come to me.
Creativity — I’m realizing how much I value creative self expression. This is a side of me that I neglected for a long time but finally in my late 20’s I starting embracing this side of my identity! I’m learning to get comfortable with owning the word “creative” and I’m mostly excited to create things that feel like me. Also side note, I’m an enneagram 4 so this makes a lot of sense :)
Agency — Another word for power! Stepping into my power and recognizing that if there’s a will, there’s a way. Knowing that I have the power to build the future I envision for myself and that I am in control of how I live my life.
Introspection — Taking the time to look inward and to find the path that brings me home to myself. I want to go on the journey of learning and unlearning until I feel that how I show up is who I feel like inside. Getting clarity on who I am, what I value, and how I want to spend this time on earth.
Play — Redefining my relationship with rest. I want to relish in the play and joy of life’s everyday moments. I know it’s easy for me to default back to my workaholic tendencies, and so I want to shift my mindset on what “productivity” means to me and be ok with slowing down.

Since today is my 30th birthday, I also want to share a few life lessons. I haven’t done this for a long time but I want to keep up with tradition from 2018, 2016, 2013, and 2012! And this time, I want to address these to my “past self” to make them more personal. Here we go:

When you’re spiraling, try focusing on your breath. I know you have a tendency to get lost in your thoughts and emotions, and it’s hard to dig yourself out of that hole. When you’re stuck at the bottom, just start doing some square breathing - in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4, out for 4.
You can choose the relationship you have with your thoughts. You can be a prisoner of your own mind, or you can close your eyes and experience a beautiful orchestra surrounded by a field of flowers. You are not your thoughts! Don’t let them control you, you can control them! I’m still figuring out how to create better thoughts, but at least now I can recognize that just because I think something, doesn’t make it true.
Is this your truth? Or did someone/something else tell you it’s true? Think about the “truths” that influence how you move in the world and examine whether you genuinely believe them or if they are simply byproducts of your childhood or societal values. If they’re from an external source, question whether it’s something you have to unlearn for yourself. For example: I am currently struggling with the need to always be productive in order to feel valued. However, I believe that all humans have inherent value regardless of how hard they work. Everyone is worthy of love and care! So it doesn’t make sense that I would shame myself or feel guilty when I take a break. The desire for productivity is likely something that I learned growing up and was reinforced by hustle culture. I have the power to rewrite the script!
Opposing thoughts can both be true. Maybe one of my favorite realizations in life so far. :) When I have two or more thoughts that don’t make sense together, I can just accept that both can co-exist. Life is one big oxymoron and I think that’s beautiful. And the quicker you can realize and accept it, the easier it is to flow in life.
Not everything needs to be dissected or analyzed. Sometimes you can accept something for what it is. If you see a lovely flower, you can appreciate its beauty without having to know “how did it get this beautiful?” or “why is it so beautiful?!” Or if I’m feeling lots of things that don’t sit well with me, I don’t have to deep dive into all of them. I can accept that I am feeling some type of way and then figure out how to move forward from it. (This is not saying that we shouldn’t examine our thoughts or unpack feelings, but just not everything and all the time. It can get exhausting.)
Creating your own reality is the ultimate act of creativity. When I think about it, isn’t life just one big creative project!? Everyone has a different interpretation of what’s beautiful and valued, and everyone has a different approach to expressing themselves. The goal isn’t to create something that looks like everyone else’s, it’s to create something that feels uniquely you and that you’re proud of.